Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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