Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize