There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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