careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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