Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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