Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
