So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
