I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
