I accidentally had phone sex last night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize