Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just found puke in my bra..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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