Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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