You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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