you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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