Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
