Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
