And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
