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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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