woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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