Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
