So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
