Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
