I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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