Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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