I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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