My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
