I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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