i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize