There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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