Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
