This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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