stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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