Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
