Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
