just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
