The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
