Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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