I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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