I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
