we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
