I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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