She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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