i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize