OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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