My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
