I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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