I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
