mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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