did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
