Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
