At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
