Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
