Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
