I cockslap morals
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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