maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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