it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
