You work out of a Hotel?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
