Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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