You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
