I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
