we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
