Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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