he puts the penis in happiness.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
