I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
