You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
