Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
