whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize