I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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