Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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