I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
ttyl tear gas
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
