Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize