i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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