I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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