i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
