Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize