lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
