it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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