so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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