You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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