OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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