So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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