we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
