i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
