Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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