Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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