Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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