I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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