Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
