how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
