I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
