Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
