dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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