Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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