i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there was a trapeze. enough said
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
