Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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