Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
