yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
