So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
