Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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