we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
